WHAT DO YOU WANT?

What Do You Want In Your Life?

This was the question that my friend, Aaric asked on the phone one day out of the blue. I thought this was some kind of silly question but I answered him anyway. He pressed on asking what do I want and how do I consider that I've achieved something that I said I want. I kept on answering and answering and answering until I noticed that I'm going around and around in circles.

That's when he asked me to take a chance and attend the Asia Works Basic Training Course. After some considerations and events that happened unexpectedly, I finally walked in on the first day of the course.

There are a lot of questions to ask in order to properly reflect on how we lived our lives all these while.
1) How often have you ignored or not listen to what other people had to say?
2) How often have you insisted people that you were right and you knew better than them?
3) How often have you not talked to the people around you who cared about you?
4) How often have you blamed someone or something else when things don't go the way you want?
5) How often did you broke promises and agreements you made with people
6) How often have you given up on doing something halfway?
7) How often have you said something that you really mean it?
8) How often have you lied to people around you?
9) Have you ever shown your true self to other people or your image?
10) When was the last time you actually let your feelings show up?

The questions are endless in a way. Like what the trainer says so often during the training.

"Not that it's wrong, just that you need to be aware of it." Which is the main part of the whole training process. To be aware of the things you do routinely in life and acknowledge these things that we do.

In life, I noticed that there are a lot of things that I want. But, I gave up halfway because of time, money, lack of support, lack of confidence. But theses are all just excuses. The fact is that, if there was something that I want, I would have find a way to settle all these problems in order to achieve them. Also, I rarely listened to what people say and most of the times I like to prove that I'm right. I also found out that I was too pampered and too dependent on other people. Usually anything happens, I would think to myself "It's ok...I still got my sisters, friends and relatives to rely on." I've taken them for granted for far too long. I like to procrastinate a lot, I don't take risks. God knows how many more flaws that I have in myself.


From the first day I walked into the training, my automatic reaction is to start looking around the room and judged people on how they looked. I would just sit on one of the chairs and silent until someone started to talk to me.

During the course of the training, I felt like layer upon layer of myself is being peeled away. Most of the participants may not like the way the trainer's method but this is the only way for us to change in whatever beliefs that is holding us back from getting what we want.


In the process, I started to be aware of my flaws. And started to open up myself towards the training exercises and towards the participants. The only way I can describe my experience in the training? It's like a roller coaster ride of emotions. There were times we laughed, there were times we cried. But to know that we're not alone in facing our problems. That there are others who has the same problems as us and also there are others willing to commit themselves to help us achieve the thing we wanted in our lives.

For the past 5 days of the training. I actually felt myself changing into a brand new me. It's still in progress but it's a good progress. And during that period, I've found new friends and shared a strong connected bond with them. The pictures below shows just how we felt during graduation.

 

I remembered one day of the training where everyone really cried their heart out in sharing their true self. That was the lowest point in the training. But, after that session, everyone got closer to each other. On graduation, it was a really grand and emotional event. But what is the best part of the graduation, is that after the trainer gave all of us an amazing guided visualisation, we get to see the people responsible for getting us here in the first place standing right in front of our eyes. SOme of them got flowers and cupcakes which made me feel envious of them. (Aaric...how come you didn't get any flowers or cupcakes for me? *pouts*) Lol...Jokes aside though...For me, just to see Aaric who got me into this training standing there with his trademark silly little smile, it was the best gift a friend could ever give to me. To be able to become my true self again.

It takes a lot of courage in order to take the risks to improve my life.  But once I have the intention and commitment. I'm sure I can overcome it over time. So, stay tuned to the new and improved me in the near future. And that is one of the commitment I intend to fulfill.